law mama

Merry Christmas from the Joneses...

2010-12-27T21:38:00.001-08:00

Our gift to you: the "Red Caramel Apple." Our new favorite holiday cocktail.

1.5 parts brandy

.5 parts 99 Apples

1 giant ice cube

Top with cranberry juice

And with that... back to celebrating.

Santa at the Pizza Party

2010-11-30T14:45:00.001-08:00

This morning:

JULIET: "Mommy, can I have [some thing that she said she wanted]?"

ME: "Maybe you can ask for that for Christmas."

JULIET: "From Santa Claus!"

ME: "Yup."

JULIET: "At the pizza party!"

ME: "Yup. What?"

JULIET: "We can go see Santa Claus at the pizza party. Remember?"

Oh, yeah ....

Last year Lamppost Pizza in Davis had Santa Claus available, onsite, occasionally working in the office and probably tossing a pizza here and there. You got a $25 gift card if you came in for pizza with Santa. So we took Juliet and tiny baby Desmond.

Apparently we're never going to have a proper Santa outing, and we are now going to have to go to Lamppost Pizza in Davis every Christmas.

She was straight up scared of the Santa last year by the way.

But I think this year will be better.

In which I do a lot of sort of angry bitching

2009-07-18T22:20:00.000-07:00

I know I took an oath of Facebook silence a few days ago, but since I'm actually writing this on Blogger, it doesn't really count.

Actually, I shouldn't be dicking around online at all this close to the bar, but really, it's late on Saturday night, and I've been studying since 9am, and I think it's time to use the other part of my brain for ten minutes.

Sigh. I finally came to terms with the very real possibility that I'm going to be taking this thing again in February. For the first time, I allowed myself to contemplate what failure is going to be like. No, I don't like it. But it won't be the end of the world. Despite the fact that I will have one more child on top of the three already in my brood (one which will be much more needy and less forgiving than the three already around), now I know how to study for this thing. And the truth of the matter is, it takes a lot more time than I have, full-time study schedule notwithstanding.

When you have BarBri until 1pm, and kid duty starting at 5pm, you have exactly the hours between 1pm and 4pm to do everything that your law school contemporaries have from 1pm to midnight to do, except with three more kids and a house where the dishes and the laundry jump out at night and crap all over your floors. Weekends where leaving your poor bemused husband and kids for hours and hours at a time to go sit in a library is psychological torture. Misguided plans to refurbish your husband's antique barbecue for Father's Day because you have no money and he explicitly told you not to spend anything on him, so instead of going to Cost Plus and buying him some fancy deck furniture you spent an entire week of said afternoons sanding, painting, and driving all over creation looking for red high-heat paint (which they apparently don't sell anywhere in Sacramento or Yolo County, FYI).

That, and also because you have no money, you were on the phone with Victim Witness trying to get compensation for the thousands of dollars you spent on mental health counseling for your kids four years ago when crazy shit* happened to them, but you never had time to finalize all the issues with the insurance company, all so that you could scrounge up the $600 for the hotel room during the bar exam. Oh, and maybe a new pair of maternity shorts, since NOTHING FITS AND IT'S EIGHT HUNDRED DEGREES OUTSIDE. And in the meantime it seems like every member of your immediate and extended family is either pissed at you because you're, uh, studying, or is peeing her pants every ten minutes because, again, you're a bad mother who doesn't potty train her children.

Yeah. So, there's that. I think that coming to grips with my own very definite realization of possible failure has actually allowed me to maintain some sense of sanity in these final days. If I fail, I take it again next time and I pass, because instead of spending all my time distilling all this crazy California law into detailed yet condensed attack sheets, I'll be doing the practice exams like they've been exhorting me to all along. Hey, BarBri guy, I did what you said - I said "screw it" to worrying about memorizing the law early on and did those graded essays like you told me to, and your incomprehensible BarBri practice exam graders FAILED all of my essays. So don't tell me that I shouldn't have spent the time working on learning the law.

If I do fail, at the end of the day, it wasn't because I was lazy, or stupid. It was because I tried too hard to do everything. I tried to maintain my unreasonably high expectations of my abilities while I should have put everything more or less on hold for this exam, no second thoughts, no glances backwards.

It's just so hard. I guess that's really it.

Back to studying.

* Said crazy sh*t is probably worth a post of its own someday, maybe in like 200 years when I get the time and energy.

Letter to Juliet

2009-07-11T14:33:00.000-07:00

Dear Juliet:

This began as a letter of preemptive apology, and seemed to end as a kind of manifesto for our lives. It is more for me right now than for you, but someday I hope you can read it and that you will understand.

I'm sorry, Juliet, that I'm not out with you and Dad and your brothers on the lake today. I'm sitting in our totally unkempt home, trying to study for the hardest bar exam in the United States which is in less than three weeks. I'm trying to ignore your little brother, who at 26 weeks gestation appears hell-bent on getting out of my uterus any way possible. Fortunately, he hasn't convinced my body that it's time yet. He's just doing a lot of punching and kicking. I blame it on the caffeine, but that's a whole other apology letter I have to write.

I'm sorry for leaving you three, four, sometimes five nights a week for the past four years to go to night school. Those days were just awful. I would get home at 3:05 just in time for your big brothers to get home from school, and in the two hours I was home in the afternoons I would try desperately to do my reading for the evening so as to never be caught in the middle of class unprepared ever again. (That happened when I was pregnant with you my first year. The professor made me cry in the middle of class. Not my shining moment.)

Most afternoons I would be helping your brothers with their homework, cleaning the kitchen and trying to cobble together some semblance of dinner so your poor dad wouldn't have to do it with three kids running around the house. I would leave the house to go pick you up at 5, just so I could have half an hour to see you that day before I went off to class. Sometimes, I didn't even get that half hour.

When I stumbled back through the door at 10pm after class, I would try to hang out with Dad, make some coherent conversation, finish laundry, and then I'd come in and kiss you goodnight. Later in the wee hours of the morning you would wander into our room and crawl into bed with us. I confess that I stopped putting you back in your own bed after a while, just because it felt so good to cuddle with you, and I missed you. You're not your normal stubborn, ornery self when you're sleeping.

As difficult as these past four years, and these next three weeks have been/are going to be for us, I know the future is going to be difficult too. There are going to be nights when I will have to work late. There will be more weekend boating trips lost to the office. There will be the long days where you will may have to sit in some unfriendly day care center, surrounded by weird kids and impassive underpaid teachers who don't really give a crap about you, and maybe you still won't be bothered by it. Maybe you never will. Or maybe you'll feel lonely and frustrated because there's so much you wish you could be doing, and you can't do it because you weren't able to have the opportunity. I hope not.

I can't tell what the future will bring. Maybe we'll be rich enough to afford the best day care, babysitters and camps and extracurricular activities. Maybe my job will be flexible enough that I will be able to get off work early sometimes to see you. Maybe not. But I want you to know why I am spending so much time away from you, trying to pursue this goal of becoming a lawyer.

Why a lawyer, anyway? The answer: No real big reason. It could have been anything: restaurant owner, business executive, the Peace Corps, running a theatre company. What I found was that I wasn't happy sitting at a job with four walls. I needed to be doing something where the horizon went as far as the eye could see; where possibilities were limitless, and where with enough hard work I could do and be anything. I need to be somewhere where I can, eventually, develop and exhibit leadership skills. Where I can make some kind of difference in the lives of people, and the world in general. A legal office just happened to be my first real job (as a secretary) out of college. And I looked around and saw all the opportunities I just described, plus a real intellectual challenge. And I thought, I want to do this.

Now I have dreams of becoming a sharp, talented professional; someone regarded as the best in their field; a respected leader who can guide a group or an organization to do great things. I dream of putting all that power behind a cause that can help everyone regardless of income level or race or gender. I don't know what all the details are yet, but I feel like I've built a foundation that will let me get there.

I'm excited about my dream. But I know that it's incompatible with certain things. I can't do it and be a stay at home mom for you. I can't do it and not sacrifice the occasional weekend/evening with you. I can't do it and have a slow, quiet job where I simply show up and sit behind four walls five days a week, even if it means I get home at the same time every day for you. I must make certain sacrifices.

What I can promise you is that those sacrifices will never subsume the thing in the world that is the most important to me: my family. I will not miss the important events. I will do everything in my power to be home by dinnertime. And when I am home, I will be there 100%; no blackberries or laptops allowed.

I will tell you that I struggle inside every day with my decisions. I would not be truthful if I said that it was easy. We are not so long out of thousands of years of male-dominated society that the biological instincts I have do not rage inside of me. But I am doing my best to deal with them and trying to formulate a family and career that are compatible. I look at Michelle Obama, or Sandra Day O'Connor, or Hilary Clinton or other female business leaders as my inspiration, and I think, I can do this.

And what I hope, beyond hope, is that during those hours that I am there for you, that what you will see is inspiration. I hope you will see what you want for yourself. Even if what you want is totally different - even if you want to be a SAHM yourself someday. What I want is for you to see what it is like to devote all of your energy to something, to be committed 100%, and to be a successful woman, whatever your definition of success may be. Even if it meant I had to be away from you sometimes, I hope you can take from that struggle the lessons of independence and perserverence and rise above those feelings of loneliness and resentment that I know you will sometimes have.

And out of all of this, I want you to have the self-confidence to say: I can do that. And not to worry about what you look like, or whether you're smart or funny or talented enough. You are beautiful, and I can already tell that you are going to make me very proud. You are going to do great things, Juliet, and I hope that in the near future we will be doing them together.

That's all for now. Back to studying.

Love,

Mama

Solving the mystery of Grandma's Chili Powder (aka Grandma's Spanish Pepper)

2009-07-09T14:41:00.000-07:00

UPDATE: Grandma's discontinued production 6 months ago. Here is the email I got from the company.

Regina, We appreciate your loyal patronage of Grandma's chili powder over the years. However, due to slow sales that product was discontinued about 6 months ago, and we have no plans to bring it back at this time. Our Williams Original Chili seasoning is the closest we make to the Grandma's brand. It is available on our website at:http://williamsfoods.elsstore.com/view/search/?search_criteria=williams+chiliI am sorry, but none of our formulas are made public. However, I found a chili powder recipe on the internet that has the same basic ingredients as Grandma's.http://www.texascooking.com/features/jun97chilepowder.htmThanks for your support of Williams products, and please let me know if you have any further questions. Regards,Debbie NewcomerConsumer Correspondence RepresentativeWilliams Foods CompanyC.H. Guenther & Son, Inc.1-800-255-6736 ext 2719

--------------------

At long last, I figured out what happened to Grandma's Spanish Pepper and where I can get some.

I'm sharing this with the world, since there seem to be a handful of people out there that care as much as I do about this elusive spice.

Some background:

My family (which came to Sacramento, CA from Portugal and the Azores about 75 years ago) cooks extensively with Grandma's Spanish Pepper. It's in all these old recipes my grandmother was famous for, all the recipes my Dad inherited from her, and consequently is in nearly every ethnic Portuguese dish (and some non-Portuguese dishes) I make.

When Safeway stopped carrying it, I googled around for it but couldn't find mention of it anywhere. The only sites I found were the occasional posting on a random message board: "Does anyone know what happened to Grandma's Spanish Pepper??"

Google Books found an entry about Grandma's Spanish Pepper in the 1905 "Official Catalogue to the Lewis and Clark Expedition." Check it out. Crazy!

Finally, Safeway stopped carrying it. A call to their customer service department netted me a bitchy CS rep who wouldn't give me any information on the manufacturer. Panic set in. Finally I came across, of all places, the Lenexa Lion's Club website where someone posted a message saying that they, too, were having trouble finding it but had heard that it was now owned by Williams Foods.

I checked the Williams Foods website: no Grandma's chili powder. But I remembered the name "Lenexa, KS" from the back of the bottle. I sent them an email. Here was their response:

Regina,

Thanks for your email and interest in Grandma's chili powder. That product is not widely distributed, but has been found at Food 4 Less, and Lucky Stores in northern California. It has also been found at Liras Market in Rio Vista, CA and Murphy's Market in Eureka, CA. You can also purchase it direct from us by the case. Direct orders require a check or money order be mailed to us. Once we receive your check, the product would be shipped to you. I have attached our price list and order form. Instructions for direct orders are at the bottom of the first page.

Thanks for your support of Williams products, and please let me know if you have any further questions.

Sure enough, I checked the price list, and BOTH incarnations of Grandma's were on there - both the regular, and Zesty Chili Seasoning varieties. A case of 12 for a mere $28. If you need the price list, let me know and I'll email it to you.

When I finally get my hands on another bottle I'll post pictures, too, since there are no pictures of this spice on the Internet, anywhere. I feel like, if something's not on the Internet, there's a problem. I've made it my official goal to remedy this problem, in the name of my grandmother and every other person who relies on this unique spice.

Okay. Back to studying for the bar exam.

Calm before the storm

2009-07-05T11:42:00.000-07:00

It's been a stressful week, and as the bar exam gets closer I have no time to write, and no brain capacity to write anything worth reading. I'm in the home office trying to have a cheap and relatively comfortable study session (sitting at Starbucks for eight hours tends to cost a lot in coffee; the AC is always blasting there, or the library is smelly and loud, or whatever, and at home I can kick back with bare feet and blast the classical station and scrounge around at home for food). Of course, despite the creature comforts of home, I hear Juliet wailing in the bedroom right above me, stubbornly refusing to nap, and my heart just wants to go lay down next to her and cuddle up and just fast forward 4 weeks from today when Jim and I are hopefully on the coast somewhere hiking and drinking a glass of wine and watching the sunset.

I took the last two days off and on Friday we ended up going on a day trip to Pt. Reyes, which was just gorgeous. It's right next to Bolinas so it felt like familiar territory. We picnicked on Heart's Desire beach on Tomales Bay, where the sun was warm and inviting, dozens of tiny children and their families were out; the smell of hot dogs grilling, Juliet splashing in the calm, relatively warm water; it was heaven. Then we drove out to the lighthouse, and spent some time on Drake's Beach, where the weather went foggy, waves crashed and the boys gleefully did some boogie boarding and Juliet shrieked in delight at the playful surf. Perfect day.

We did Fourth of July in classic Davis style, as we do every year - nowhere to be, no one to be beholden to for plans or timetables, so it was wonderfully mellow and fun as usual. Bike races in the morning, moseying around downtown, burgers for lunch, hanging out with Juliet and her little friend at home while Jim (finally) finished the fence in the backyard; then packing everyone up, bucket of fried chicken and off to Community Park for the annual Fourth of July event, with music and taiko drumming and eating and drinking and the boys running around with their friends and then finally all of us squeezing onto our blanket and cuddling up for the huge fireworks show. Juliet was enthralled as always, and there we all were as a family together all huddling up under the brilliant sky. The Fourth may well be my favorite holiday of all time.

It was a wonderful two days, and I'm glad I took them off, even though I am now disbelieving how close I am to this heinous exam and wondering how I'm ever going to do it. The good news is, I'm a lot less dumbfounded about Community Property at the moment than I've ever been, so we'll just take it from there and see how it goes.

It's only in the darkest times in my life that my stubbornly agnostic self finds it necessary to pray -- an unnecessary and illogical activity if there ever was one, and I'm doing it now: dear God, please let me pass this exam.

One of those days

2009-06-16T11:12:00.000-07:00

I'm having one of those days that I haven't had in a long time, where I find myself walking around on the verge of tears. Juliet's on my mind - I just feel like I should be spending the day with her, hanging out, talking, playing at the park, doing mommy things other than trying to get her to fold laundry/wash dishes/cook dinner/clean house/maintain the garden with me, which seems like it takes up most of the three hours a day that we get to spend together in the evenings.

And I feel guilty that B&C are at city day camp, even though they get to do fun stuff (and it's City of Davis, after all, not exactly like it's the ghetto or something), I wish we had the money to send them to Walker Creek or one of those super awesome sleep away camps where they get to hike and canoe and do stuff with well-paid, nurturing camp counselors. I wish when they got home in the evening they got to spend time with the both of us being relaxed, instead of J always having to work late or one or both of us being stressed out of our minds over money and the bar exam. I wish we could take more walks and drives and outings as a family without worrying about how much it's going to cost, or whether Juliet's going to have a meltdown at a restaurant because she's been such a pain lately, probably because we're never around and when we are, we're super stressed.

And I honestly have no idea how I'm ever going to retain this information, despite my best attempts to keep up with the multiple choice practice and the essay practice and reviewing flash cards. I have always managed to keep my head in the game when it came down to it, and to think positively about everything, but I'm actually having trouble seeing myself sitting down in six weeks and getting this done. I may have the hours of 9am - 5pm to study, but somehow everything else (aforementioned cleaning/cooking/laundry/grocery shopping/child rearing etc) has to get done and most nights I have to do it without help. By the time I settle in for studying round 2 at 9pm, if I haven't crashed out with Juliet, I'm totally exhausted.

So to sum up, stress, lack of sleep, total lack of exercise, and I guess being pregnant has all contributed to make me feel very weepy this morning, about all these things, but mostly just missing my little girl. But I have to turn in an Evidence essay for grading in two hours, so I'd better get over it. I think writing helps. It's always good to hear from everyone who reads (so far apparently only facebook cares about the existence of my rants) who has words of encouragement. I don't usually go looking for it, but maybe just for these next six weeks while I try to avoid having a major breakdown.

Graduations, anniversaries, oh my!

2009-06-13T10:27:00.000-07:00

Our five year anniversary was last night. We spent three hours having dinner on the patio at Mulvaney's Building and Loan and it was fabulous. (Thanks Amber for the recommendation!) Despite a breeze and a few raindrops, the staff put up a large umbrella over our table and lit up the heat lamps, and it got quite cozy. We split a bottle of our favorite wine (Monticelli Bros. '99 Cabernet - J drinking most of it, of course... but I couldn't help having a few sips along with dinner) and just... talked, for three hours, none of it about household administration. It was wonderful. We exchanged gifts - I think that the yearly "subject matter" requirement for anniversaries is too funny not to participate in, so as 5-year anniversaries are "wood," I got him a bag of hickory chips and a smoker box for his barbecue. Then I included in the card a picture of the outdoor bar/barstool set that I had gotten him for his "real" present. Happy anniversary honey - let's build some furniture! I think he liked it, though. He presented me with a stunning mother of pearl drop necklace on a gold chain. I can't wait to wear it - it's the most delicate thing I've ever seen. A little unconventional for me right now, since my current jewelry obsession is with everything chunky, but gorgeous and fitting for work or a special occasion. He's so great.

After our date we picked up the kiddos from Grannie and Grandpa's house - they are always such troopers, taking them out to pizza and then home for root beer floats and a movie. Somehow Juliet is always on best behavior with them, which I guess bodes well for our future attempt to take a few days to ourselves after the bar exam, but I still can't help but wonder why she insists on being such a rowdy beast with us! Everyone was in good spirits as we trucked our entire clan home. Juliet and Chase marveled at the spotlights swirling in the sky over our house as we pulled in; the local junior high was having their grad night party. Everyone went to bed, and J built a roaring fire in the pit in the backyard, where we sat and drank more wine and talked until midnight.

It was a good night, the way date nights should be. The way I wish every night was, and I'm still a little bitter that it's probably the last one we're going to have until after the bar is over. I hope everything can stay in place until August 1, when our lives can finally begin all over again.

Beautiful day

2009-06-11T14:26:00.000-07:00

Break during Bar/Bri lecture (Evidence day 1, in case you were interested).

Today while I was waiting in line a lady came up to me and told me that I was "very cute pregnant." That made my day! She goes, "You just look so happy, and like you're having fun." I was wearing my flowery summery-looking Mimi dress from my fave maternity consignment shop (please check out http://www.another9months.com if you are in Sac!) and flip flops - I guess my general outfit happiness is starting to show along with my belly.

Finally, at 22 weeks, I am getting into the groove of being pregnant, doing this Bar/Bri thing, and being home with my kids in the evening. Just in time for my husband to start working late at night. It's tough, because by the time I put the girl down and wrangle the boys into bed, it's 9pm and I'm exhausted, but still have two hours of studying ahead of me. I guess I am going to have to forsake these gorgeous weekends to sneak out and do some Paced Program makeup time while Jim attempts to rebuild our fence while our toddler runs around underfoot.

I've finally figured out that if I take notes on the lectures in my flash card program rather than in the in-class workbook, that it saves me the step of transcribing the important points into the flash cards later, and instead I can actually focus on MEMORIZING the flash cards with my study time. Have I mentioned how much stuff there is to memorize on the bar exam? Um, I may have ten thousand flash cards already. I just have no idea how it's going to work come game day.

My big guy graduated from 6th grade today. He was so cute. They studied Greek history this year and so they all wore togas at their graduation ceremony. They performed Greek plays in the amphitheatre where we got married near our house, and it was just a gorgeous day. There was a hilarious moment where they called his character, Narcissus, "shockingly handsome," which elicited guffaws from every knowing parent in the audience. It was just plain hilarious watching him play Narcissus, period.

Back to Bar/Bri!

Thoughts on the moment

2009-06-06T21:24:00.001-07:00

A blog post! Look at me procrastinating on studying for the bar exam!

I realize that if I don't stop to occasionally write (or take some pictures - now there's a novel thought) about what's going on, I'm going to be 50 and although my kids will finally be out of the house and I can finally go on my month-long Mediterranean cruise with my hunky husband, I will be scratching my head wondering, "Did I just raise four kids?" Not that it will matter much by then as I will be on daily champagne benders ordering multiple pairs of Louboutins online by the pool with my bodyguard nearby, Kate Gosselin-style, and won't remember any of it in the morning.

(I did have to google the word Louboutin by the way, as I have never actually seen pictures of these supposedly fabulous shoes. Now I know why they're so fab... um, me-yow. Who needs to pay rent/feed children?)

Back to my suburban reality. The bar exam is consuming every spare moment of time I have, and it's a struggle to carve out quality time with the kids now that BarBri has my soul from 9-1pm every morning except Sundays, and from 1:30-5pm at the Davis Public Library, my dutifully following the Paced Program like a Weight Watchers devotee counts points. Juliet and I spend half our time yelling at each other, with her having "accidents" so often I fear that hunger strikes may be next, and half the time cuddling, laughing, doing cooking/laundry together, and making burping noises together (we do that a LOT). It's a strange mother-daughter relationship, but it's ours.

Juliet started this thing where she grabs my ever-expanding belly with both hands and scrunches it together like a sock puppet mouth, and says in a low, growly Muppet voice, "BEH-BEH." It's hilarious, and we both laugh our asses off whenever she does it.

At night when I'm putting her down to bed, and her body is finally winding down into some semblance of stillness and calm, sometimes she'll put her hand out to feel whether the baby's kicking. Even if he's not, she always obliges with a reverent "Oooh, the baby just kicked!" Then my favorite part of the day, watching her go to sleep. It's amazing, like watching the curtain fall on a five-star musical, every night. "What the hell just happened?" you think.

I am getting slightly more accustomed to the idea that I am having a boy, but it is still strangely difficult for me to fathom, and harder to be excited. I truly have no idea what to expect. I think that's a good thing. And babies are just babies, after all - so I'll have a good six months or so to let it all sink in before gender really becomes an issue. It's true that Juliet will never have her sister, just like I never had mine - but if all goes well, she and I will be that much closer as time goes on.

Maybe someday we'll be able to go on our own Mediterranean cruise together, Louboutins and all.

Beaten, but not defeated

2009-04-05T12:51:00.000-07:00

At work on a Sunday getting work/school stuff done. The lonely Sunday drive over the causeway is always the worst. Every week, it's a monologue where I have to fight back self-pitying tears and remind myself that it's going to be over soon, and that even though my house is a mess and JJ still isn't fully potty-trained and even though the past four years has beaten down my soul into something nearly unrecognizable, that at least it's all going to be over soon.

I had a moment this week when watching the American Idol results show with my kids. (I have "moments" at the most strange and inopportune times.) My favorite up to this point, the quirky tattooed throaty-voiced Megan Joy, was eliminated, and she grabbed the locket around her neck with the picture of her 2-year old and said, "Baby, I'm coming home." This sheer sense of relief shot right through the TV screen, right into me, and then evaporated, and more than anything I wished it was me being done with this shit and going home.

If it weren't for the vivid memories of, y'know, HAVING her... would I even know she was mine?

2009-02-17T21:37:00.000-08:00

I realized last week that my daughter is turning three next month. The thought just sucked all the air out of my lungs. I felt like I had slept through a final exam. Where have I been? What have I been doing all this time? Three? How is that even possible when I just found out I was pregnant/found out what happened to the kids/had a baby/finished my first year/mock trial/second year/law review/third year/mock trial/finals working finals working finals/moral character application?

Oh, I guess there was all that.

But there was also a lot of this...

And some of this...

And although the actual photographic evidence of me and my daughter existing together at the same time is practically nonexistent, that is due more to the fact that 1) we are cheapskates and do not have a nice camera and 2) all the boys in my life are clueless men who don't take pictures. Oh, and Blogger just refuses to put up any more pictures right now. Weird.

Working smarter

2009-01-13T19:39:00.000-08:00

I really enjoyed this article on The Glass Hammer written by a mother of four/partner at a family law firm in Long Island. I found myself nodding when she described how reduced hours for women are in fact an impediment to their accession in the workplace due to reduced visibility, less important assignments, etc. However, she says, for management to have trust in their employees and the autonomy to balance their own schedules is just as important. Essentially, that those of us who are driven enough to get the job done in a smart way will bill more hours and get more done in less time than our counterparts who expect to spend twelve hours a day at the office.

I think there's merit in that statement. I know I can work "smarter" than some of my contemporaries; I've demonstrated that through my own success in law school by maintaining a good GPA while being on law journal, doing mock trial competition as well as Trial Advocacy, raising two boys through an extraordinary family tragedy (to be discussed some other time), and having a baby my first year. I certainly did not spend as much time in the library as my colleagues, but I know that I got as good or better grades as some of them. I definitely did not attend as many Bar Reviews, for better or worse.

I feel like the firm I am going into is supportive no matter what - if I feel I need to go part time, there will still be a shareholder track available for me. But I'm not going there unless it's a family emergency of some kind. It's good to know it's an option, but I'm committed to keeping my head in the game.

How parenting prepares me to be a lawyer

2009-01-06T21:28:00.000-08:00

As I was reading "Chicka Chicka Boom Boom" for the 38,000 time (since Christmas) to JJ last night, she started coughing and didn't stop until she was doubled over my cupped hands, as I feebly attempted to catch the Gatorade-colored puke flying from her mouth. If I can handle this one with grace, I thought, I can handle just about anything lawyers want to throw at me.

My poor girl. JJ is now 2-and-three-quarters and she gets these monstrous horrific coughing fits when she gets sick. Exactly one third of my waking life is spent cleaning out the black carbon specks from the bottom of the Vicks Warm Mist Humidifier. (Don't remind me how I'm supposed to get the cool mist one because she might burn herself.) We've tried every cough remedy except for cough meds. She's currently on an inhaler that I'm convinced does her absolutely no good. JJ, if you could just make those last two molars pop through one of these days so you stop drooling, I'll buy you your very own ride-on Tonka truck. (She has brother envy.)

I even picked her up early from daycare today since her teeth have been making her so miserable lately. I got there expecting her to be crying, whining, or at least coughing, but instead she was sitting with her boyfriend Ben playing cars. I asked the teacher how she was doing and she told me JJ had been in great spirits, even going potty regularly throughout the day. I swear, the second we walked in the door at home she was a puddle of pathetic tantrumy sadness. I guess my house just inspires that in people. So much for being a good working mom. Tomorrow, kid, you're doing the 8-5 at daycare.

Re: I know myself far too well

2009-01-05T11:07:00.001-08:00

I almost laughed when I saw my last posting back in October, the beginning of last semester, when I pondered how I always resolve at the beginning of a new semester to blog more about my experiences as a half-crazed law student/mom. Here we are again, this time at the beginning of my very last semester of law school, and I'm back brushing the dust off this damn blog. I don't know how I ever had the time to update daily on LJ back in the day (the childless undergrad days, to be sure, but I was busy then too). Maybe it's because back then all I did was moan stream of consciousness-style about my life. Now I'd actually like to form something coherent that people wouldn't mind reading.

I admit I was inspired by Darling Hill (which of course I can't link to right now since I'm posting via email because for some reason the Blogger editor crashes our hopelessly outdated version of IE here at work) to come out of my shell and to attempt to create a public identity as a lawmama. I just know that I absolutely crave the contact and sharing of ideas that is seeming to make a community of women out there find strength in their numbers. I have so many thoughts about the issues we face every day, and I want a place to capture them so I don't forget.

And so, with the renewed spirit of the New Year still fresh in me... let's see if my next post can be 1) sometime before the July bar, and 2) about something that's actually thought-provoking.

journalicious

2008-10-06T18:50:00.000-07:00

I start and stop the lawmama blog it seems once a year, when the optimism is high and the time seemingly abundant. I realized a few weeks ago that I was yearning for journaling, diary-ing, recordkeeping, painting snapshots of my life for future contemplation - for safekeeping.

I am in my fourth year of lawschool and I am feeling incredibly overwhelmed. I have a directed research project I've barely started on. I have a massive project on attorney-client privilege for one of the best litigators in Northern California. I'm defense on a day-long mock trial in November. We are contemplating bio-kid #2. Oh, and I'm taking the bar in July.

And then there's the three kids and a husband and parents and brothers and grandparents who all want to know why I never call.

Whew. Okay. I feel like I have permission to be stressed. That's a good first step.

the firm is good

2007-09-13T20:06:00.000-07:00

I am musing over the potential to have a great career and simultaneously having a great family.

I decided that as a young-ish mom, graduating from law school pretty soon here, and starting with a big firm in downtown Sac, that I was going to pave my destiny in line with my priorities.

I found a practice group within the firm headed by a smart, compassionate woman who was a mom herself (her daughter is out of the house now); where two of the three shareholders in the group are women, and the other female shareholder has a daughter not much older than Juli. (That's Juli as in "Me & Julio Down by the Schoolyard.") Where the male shareholder's business plan led off with the straightforward observation, "My business plan isn't all about making as much money for the firm as possible. It's about getting the best work from the best clients for my associates as possible." Where the practice group leader tells the pregnant paralegal to stay home off her feet and not to worry about returning full time, and that we would pick up the slack. It's the first time I've worked anywhere that closed-door conversations were the exception rather than the rule; where gossip was relatively nonexistent; where people tell the truth.

After being with the group for nearly a year now, perhaps my observations as a law clerk are still a bit naive. But I feel a relentless amount of optimism inside of me when I go to work in the morning. I feel like I can make a difference in my own life.

pro hac vice

2007-08-16T21:16:00.000-07:00

Since I last wrote over a year ago, so many things were different. I wasn't sure whether I had passed my first year of law school; now I'm an old pro with nothing but A's and B's under my belt. I made Law Review, I was a finalist in the Mock Trial competition, I Witkin'd Legal Process, and I landed a law clerk position with the second largest firm in Sacramento. I feel pretty good about my upcoming career.

I was also nursing, something I totally and utterly failed at 8 months in, round about the time I started at the firm. They gave me a very nice office with blinds on the window, even, so I could pump at my desk, but it was 4 months too late, and then some kid with the stomach flu puked all over my pump one day, and it was all over.

Juliet's survived. She's tall like the rest of her family, zany like her brothers, loving like her dad, and more of a teimoso Portuguese princess than her mother could ever aspire to be. Formula notwithstanding.

Class is out. 'Till next time.